Aliens in the park

“I was really hoping those weather balloons they’ve been finding would turn out to be aliens,” Bob said, sitting back from the chessboard. “With all the nonsense going on in the world today, we could really use their help right about now.” Jim shook his head and reached forward to move his pawn forward two spaces. Neither of them were particularly good at chess. The weather was nice though and it was something to do. Mostly they just talked.

“If they had been aliens,” Jim said, sitting back after his move and looking carefully at his friend. “What makes you think they would be benign? And even if they were, how would that help us?” Bob was even worse at chess, and made a hasty move with his knight. Jim was privately of the opinion that Bob just liked moving the knights around the board. Given any opportunity he would always choose to move them if he could.

“Well,” Bob said, sounding a little unsure. “They just would. Any alien race advanced enough to come to our planet would have to be way ahead of us. Humanity still spends most of our time fighting among ourselves. I’m sure they could teach us some amazing things. Oh man!” he exclaimed as his knight was taken by the pawn it had landed too close to. Jim smiled while Bob pondered his next move.

“You’re right they would have to be more advanced than us technologically,” Jim said while Bob slid his castle forward. That was his second favorite piece to move. “The assumption I don’t agree with is that they would be benign. Why do you think that?” Bob seemed happy with his move while Jim pondered his next one.

“They would have to be, wouldn’t they?” he said with confidence. “We’re still struggling with all this social nonsense and fighting wars and stuff. They would have moved past all that long before they would go to another planet.” Jim slid another pawn forward one space and sat back. “Human beings are on the brink of going to another planet right now, I think you mean another planet in different star system.”

“Yeah,” Bob said confidently. “Exactly!” He jumped his remaining knight sideways across the board. The theory about it just being a piece he liked to move still holding sound. Jim slid yet another pawn forward one space and sat back to look at his friend.

“Tell me,” he said. “What would it take for a lifeform to travel to another planet?” Bob moved a pawn two spaces forward, presumably to make room to move his other castle piece. “Well,” he said. “They would need to be civilized and to develop a certain level of technology.”

“More basic than that,” Jim said. "You believe in evolutionary theory, right?” “Absolutely!” Bob responded without hesitation. “So,” Jim continued. “That means of all the lifeforms on a planet, one would have to evolve the characteristics to be dominant to even get that far, right?” Bob spread his hands apart. “Obviously,” he said. “Just like what happened here on Earth.” His smile showed he thought he had made a significant point in the discussion.

“Okay,” Jim said. “So, lets assume that happens somewhere else. One species, whatever its form, would have to first conquer their own environment. Right?” Bob nodded enthusiastically. “You got it.” Jim reached and moved his own knight piece, though careful to keep it behind his pawns. “So essentially,” Jim said, looking more at the board before taking his hand off the piece. “They would have to become the apex predator of their own planet, just like humans did on Earth. Right?”

Bob didn’t seem quite as comfortable with that descriptive term and shifted in his seat. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess we are. The only creatures that hunt humans are other humans, so yeah. We’re apex predators. Roar!” His pretend roar wasn’t convincing, and really just got some funny looks from the people at the other tables. Old men sitting at chess tables in parks shouldn’t roar. It’s not a good look.

“It’s more than that,” Jim said, trying not to smile at his friend’s outburst. “They need to dominate their environment to the point that they get bored.” That earned a funny look from Bob. “Why would they need to be bored to develop a space program?” he asked. “Well,” Jim continued. “Why else would they look to other planets if they were still struggling to survive?”

Bob thought about it for a moment. “That makes sense. It takes an awful lot of resources to even get to space, let alone live there. So yeah, I guess they would need safe enough to be bored.” Jim nodded and slid yet another pawn forward two spaces. “There still has to be something more though,” he continued. “Humans have dominated their environment to the point of damaging it, and there’s no doubt we are safe and bored enough to take an interest in space travel. We haven’t even considered sending someone to another star system though. Why not?”

Bob was getting more interested in the conversation than the chess game he knew so little about. He casually slid his queen out of her safe spot at the back of the board and positioned her on the side. Probably assuming she would throw off Jim’s strategy with her near omnipotent powers of movement in the game. “Well,” he thought for a minute. “We’re still exploring, and we don’t like sending people out to die. So, we’re doing it slowly.”

Jim nodded. “Yup,” he said. “We’ve dominated the environment of our planet and are now working on dominating the environment of the space around our planet. Kind of like a caveman whose tamed the valley he lives in, and now he’s starting on the next one over to find a better hunting ground, right?”

That analogy made Bob happy. “Bingo,” he said. “Exactly! Caveman astronauts. Whoo whoo whoo whoo…” His strange caveman imitation drawing some quiet laughter from those around him. Bob was definitely the life of the party when it came to the outings they took from the assisted living facility they all lived in. Very little that Bob did was surprising anymore.

“So,” Jim said, quietly taking Bob’s queen with the knight he had positioned in anticipation of his friends poor choice in moves. “This imaginary alien race, just like us has become the apex predators and dominates the environment of their planet to the point where they were bored enough to look for a new environment. Sound about right?”

Bob seemed a little distracted now, losing his queen was unexpected and he wasn’t sure what to do. For lack of other choices, he confidently moved the other castle piece now that it was free from the confines of the pawn impeding it’s movement. “Yeah,” that sounds about right. “It’s going to take a long time for us to do that in our system that’s for sure.”

Jim nodded. “Yup,” he said. “Exploring the solar system is fascinating stuff, but beyond intellectual interest and plain curiosity, why do it at all?” He moved his own queen forward, but only a single space. “Why not?” Bob said. “It’s our solar system, why shouldn’t we explore it?” Jim looked at him. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t, but why? What would it take to get that imaginary caveman to not only explore the neighboring valley, but to try to dominate it as well?”

Bob thought for a minute. “I guess,” he said uncertainly. “If his own valley ran out of animals to hunt, or if it couldn’t grow crops. He would have to move on to survive.” He was clearly losing interest in the game, and his limited skill with chess was failing him terribly. He moved a bishop out of its own safe place as far into the middle of the board as he could.

“So,” Jim said, this time moving his own opposite color bishop onto the board, but only a couple spaces. “It’s based on need. The caveman might explore the neighboring valley if he had dominated his own, but he would only go to the effort of dominating a different one if he was in need. Right? Kind of like the way people nowadays are looking at the deterioration of Earth’s environment and setting their sights on Mars.”

“Exactly!” Bob said enthusiastically. “We’ve screwed up this planet pretty badly, so we need to explore Mars in case we can’t fix it.” He confidently moved his other bishop out onto the board next to his first one. Each covering their respective color of diagonal squares. Jim thought for a minute before moving another pawn a single space forward. He could tell the slow strategy was annoying his friend, but chess was not a game to be rushed.

“So why haven’t we sent people to Mars yet?” Jim asked simply. “Well,” Bob said. “It’s dangerous. They haven’t figured out how to do it safely.” Jim scratched his head. “What would motivate us to get past that and actually start sending people there?” Bob thought for a minute. “I’d like to think it will be because of some great invention,” he said. “But it will probably be because things are getting bad enough here that we need to. That’s why they are exploring the asteroids. They’ve even found some with enough precious metals to devalue gold on the planet entirely. Wouldn’t that be crazy…”

Jim nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “That kinda stuff is pretty cool. All those rocks out there floating around in the darkness full of resources. They’ve been there all this time though. It’s only now that we need them we’re taking an interest and trying to find a way to go get there.” Bob laughed. “We’re back to the caveman again, aren’t we?” He threatened to start his caveman imitation once again, and Jim just shook his head.

“Pretty much,” he said. “We’ve been looking at those rocks for centuries, but now we need the resources and it’s worthwhile for us to find a way to get them. So, what happens when we do?” Bob brightened. “We move out into space of course,” he said. “We stop being a single planet species and start being interplanetary travelers. We could be playing chess on Pluto right now, wouldn’t that be cool?” He laughed.

Jim smiled. “Cool yes,” he said. “Maybe a little too cold for my taste.” They both laughed. Jim moved his own castle toward the middle of the board on the back row and Bob predictably moved his own castle to match. “So,” Jim said, sitting back again. “Humanity only took an interest in other planets first because we were bored, and then because of our own needs. Now that is driving us to the exploration of our own solar system. Ultimately to gather resources to make our own lives better, right?” Bob nodded. “Sounds about right.” He said, reaching to move his bishop back a couple spaces.

Jim moved his other bishop out it its position at the back of the board and just behind his pawns front line. “So at what point are we going to start looking at other star systems do you think?” Bob moved the last of his pawns on the original row forward two spaces. He almost never moved them a single space if they could be moved two, regardless of what was going on with the rest of the board. “I guess,” he said. “When we’ve gotten what we need from the rest of the solar system and get bored again.”

Jim nodded, moving his king one space to the side. “So, hypothetically, humanity has what we need from the asteroids and the other planets,” he said, examining the board carefully. “Then, with all our current problems solved we get bored and start looking around at our stellar neighborhood for other systems to explore. When would curiosity turn into action do you think? What would motivate us enough to risk our precious people and explore another star system?”

Bob was staring intensely at the board, as if it was only just now occurring to him that there was a strategy at play here. With more thought than any move before, he moved his castle back to the center to protect a diagonal attack on his king. Then sat back with satisfaction.

“Well,” he said, thinking it over. “I guess there would have to be something we needed. Something it had and ours didn’t that would help us in some way.” Jim nodded. “Exactly,” he said, moving his second knight just ahead of his pawns on the board. “We wouldn’t even look unless we were secure enough to be bored, and even then it would take a need or a reward to get us to act on it.” Bob nodded. “That sounds about right,” he said. “Humans are lazy creatures after all.” Jim smiled.

“So, back to these aliens you were hoping for,” he said, moving a pawn forward one last space. “The ones that would help us and fix all the problems in the world. We really don’t know anything about them do we?” Bob nodded. “Nope,” he said, his hand hovering over one piece after another as he carefully tried to figure out his next move. “Not a thing. We would have to learn.”

Jim looked at him carefully as Bob moved his knight to take one of the sacrificial pawns on the board. Triumphantly removing the piece from the board and grinning at his friend. “That’s actually not true though,” Jim said. “It isn’t?” Bob frowned. “What could we possibly know about an alien species from another star system?”

“Well,” Jim replied. “Logically we know quite a bit. In order to even leave their own planet they would need the resources of their entire planet to do so. That means they have to be the apex predators and have dominated their world to the point where it was possible to draw on all those various resources. That’s the only way their species could move out into space. Right?” Bob nodded. “I guess,” he said uncertainly. “That makes sense.”

“That’s not all though,” Jim said. “We know they dominated it to the point they were bored enough to explore their star system visually. Sometime after that, they developed a need which gave them the push to move off planet and out into space. Then, after all that they got bored again and then developed another need which encouraged them to go even farther. Right?” Bob was looking uncomfortable with where this was going but couldn’t seem to come up with a rebuttal. “I suppose,” he said noncommittally.

“So basically,” Jim continued. “Any alien race that might potentially come visit our planet is logically going to be an apex predator who dominated their own world and then developed needs that exceeded their own planet’s ability to support them. Then they took the next step and even their entire star system lacks the resources to fulfil their needs. Evolution doesn’t care about ethics or morality; it’s driven by the need to survive. Logically, any alien race that came to Earth would need something from us. Something they don’t have, or they wouldn’t be here at all. Right?”

Bob was looking a little frustrated, either with the game or the conversation. It was hard to tell. “I guess,” he said. “So,” Jim responded leaning forward a little bit. “How can we possibly assume that an alien race would be benign? Logically they are almost certainly dominating predators who desperately need something from us. Enough that they would devote massive resources and risk lives to come here to get it. Does that sound like a people we can trust?”

Bob sighed. “No,” he said, sounding defeated. “It doesn’t. I really want them to be, but your right. We would be foolish to make that assumption. Humans are going to wreck the solar system the same way we wrecked Earth. Then we’ll look somewhere else, and we’ll be the ones sending probes. I guess I can understand why the Airforce would shoot down all those balloons even without knowing what they were. Just in case.”

Jim nodded. “The point is we wouldn’t know,” he said. "Movies and television shows are great for expanding our horizons, but they aren’t reality. Lifeforms spend their lives trying to survive. If you don’t believe in a creator, then survival is all your left with. If there is an alien race out there trying to get to Earth, it’s because they need something that we have and they don’t. Plain and simple. We’d be foolish to assume anything else.”

Bob sighed. “You’re right,” he said. “I guess I’ll stop fantasizing about little green men from space coming down and fixing everything wrong in our world. So, are you going to make your move or what?”

Jim looked down at the board. In his next move he would have Bob’s king in check, and the one after that was checkmate. Jim smiled and leaned forward. Carefully he put his finger on his own king and tipped it face down on the board.

“I concede,” he said. “You got me again my friend. I guess I can’t beat you at chess after all.” Bob beamed in victory. “Come on,” Jim said standing up and motioning for Bob to do likewise. “Let’s go get a coffee before the bus comes back to pick us up. We just don’t get out enough these days.”

The two friends walked off in search of a coffee vendor on the far side of the park.

Written by Bradley Thiel -10/2023